The Hardest Lesson I’ve Ever Learned About Making Friends

I guess you could call this a “guest post,” but it’s not really a guest. It’s my wife. And I could not be more proud of the words she’s put together on this topic. She was planning to just post this on social media, but when I read it and it affected me the way it did, I wanted to be able to share it, too! I knew it was too good not to. I hope it resonates with you as much as it did with me.

-Tyler

by Courtney Speegle

I’m such a people person & I love building relationships and making new friends! But there was a time in my life when building relationships & finding friends was solely based on popularity. And no, I don’t just mean in high school 😉

As an adult, I’ve been guilty of trying to build relationships with other people based on the status they held, or I thought they held. By doing this I almost missed out on one of the best friendships I’ve had my entire life. This is one of those life lessons that you have to learn the hard way and then look back on as a set of events that as our pastor would say, HAD TO HAPPEN.

A few years ago I set my sights on a particular group of people, determined that we become friends. In this process, I ended up getting my feelings hurt. Anytime I saw a post of dinner nights or hang out nights that I wasn’t invited to, whether intentional or unintentional, that band-aid of hurt was ripped off again.

I look back on these events and know that it was something that had to happen.

If it hadn’t happened, I might still be preoccupied with befriending certain people because of assumed social status, instead of the people God’s placed right in front of me. If it hadn’t happened, I might still be consumed with bitterness and anger because of the rejection I felt. If it hadn’t happened I might still be in a state of discontent in who God has called me to be.

If this is something you’ve been struggling with, let me be the first to say it’s not an easy thing to overcome. We all want to be esteemed and liked, but if we’re not careful we’ll miss out on the kind of friendships God actually wants us to have as we “position” ourselves socially.

Striving for friendships with the wrong motives only leads to discontentment, rejection, & jealousy. And over time, if you let these things fester you can become isolated and miserable — and that’s exactly where the enemy wants you.

We’re not called to live isolated; we were created for community. God first created Adam for friendship and then He created Eve because he said, “it is not good for the man to be alone.”

We were designed for relationships. Be intentional, ask questions, and love the people around you — God put them there for a reason.

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Courtney Speegle

1 CommentLeave a comment

  • Courtney, you hit home with this for so many reasons! Such a sweet and Godly young lady. God bless you and your sweet family.

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