When Your Vision for 2020 Isn’t So 20/20

We just entered a new year and while I have so much to be grateful for, the past few months have been difficult. About halfway through 2019, we made the decision to sell our home and build a house. Logically, it all made sense. The market, the timing, the age of our kids — it all seemed sort of “perfect.” 

We put our house on the market. Made some small repairs. And then watched the offers roll in. After one weekend, we picked the best out of 4 offers (above asking price) and then started dreaming about our new home. We even made a celebratory IKEA visit. No sooner did we start test-sitting on new couches did we get a call from our realtors that the buyers retracted their offer after a not-so-positive home inspection. 

I’ll save you the details and fast forward 3 months, but that was the first of three offers that would fall through on our house. 

Now, before I lose you as I go on complaining about my problems with selling a house to build a nicer house — please know that I realize it’s a privilege to even be able to afford a house of any sort. 

While the house is one thing, things at work for Courtney and I have been extremely busy in this past season — and then you add two toddlers on top of that  you have yourself a recipe for frustration, chaos, and a few months lived in survival mode.

With all that said, we entered 2020 with  A LOT of uncertainty. As this blog post title suggests, our vision for 2020 hasn’t felt so 20/20. We do have a new offer and are under contract — but while all seems good on the surface — underneath it we’ve been battling a lot of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty.

What if this whole deal falls through? What if building a new house was a bad idea? What if I screwed up our finances for 30 years? What if I look irresponsible? What if things don’t get easier? What if this season at work, in our family, in our marriage, with our parenting, doesn’t get any easier?

God hasn’t given me many answers to those questions, but He has given me some encouragement that I want to pass on to you today. While I’ve been asking Him for a crystal clear vision for my plans for the year ahead, He’s been offering me something better than any plan I could make or to-do list I could craft: Himself.

In the craziness, in the chaos, the one thing I have been able to find consistently is His hand pulling me forward into the light of His presence.

While I want a picture perfect plan for the year ahead, and don’t worry, I still plan on doing plenty of planning — the one thing God has been teaching me most is the prioritization of His presence.

I want clarity for the year ahead so I don’t make any wrong turns, but I’m realizing that if I can just seek His ways at every turn, there really are no wrong turns. At least not any non-recoverable, permanent wrong turns.

With Christ, there is always more grace. (Romans 5:20)

I want certainty in my plans, God wants my trust in Him.

So, if today your vision for the year ahead isn’t quite as clear as you’d like, you’re not alone and hopefully this encourages you.

Goals are great, to-do lists are helpful, but at the end of the day I think God desires for us to meet with Him in our chaos, not wait until it’s all over.

      

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Tyler Speegle

Husband, blogger and serious coffee drinker. Passionate about helping others understand how to live relationally with God and escape a life of dry, mechanical religion so that they can live out their God given purpose.

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