The past couple of weeks have been one incredible, life-changing blur. On June 18, 2015 at 1:55PM we welcomed our son – Asher Roman Speegle – into this world. It’s hard to put into words just how thankful we are to have him with us.
The 2 hour feeding schedules, the 4AM Wal-Mart runs, the wild bathroom accidents during diaper changes… all of it has been completely and absolutely worth it.
And while this has been one of the best times of my life, it has most definitely not been the easiest or most comfortable. Before you have a child you are warned about the sleep deprivation, the birthing process and the countless messy diapers, but nothing prepares you for learning how to shoulder the weight of being responsible for another human life.
Sitting there in the hospital holding Asher I began to feel the enormity of that responsibility.
This wasn’t temporary. This was no trial run and there would be no trial runs. This was the beginning of a life-long journey of which I would be held accountable for – in this life and the next.
As I began to think about Asher’s future the thoughts became overwhelming. There was so much to do and so many decisions to make. Just the coming weeks seemed to be immensely difficult in my mind – diapers, bottles, immunizations, pediatricians, feeding schedules, proper sleeping instructions, birth certificates, baby photos.
The pressure intensified as we drew closer to departing from the hospital. As I loaded our belongings into the car I began to feel anxiety and worry building in the back of my mind.
Would we be good parents? Were we prepared enough?
Thankfully, God’s Word pierced through my thoughts and cut through my feelings of inadequacy and worry. In my weakness, I felt God whispering.
I had recently read Judges Chapter 6 so I was reminded of a conversation that took place between Gideon and the Lord – specifically the instructions that were given to Gideon.
The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” Judges 6:14
In that moment, God spoke the same instructions strongly in to my heart – to go in the strength I had. As I argued with Him that my strength wasn’t enough, He reminded me that it indeed was.
I began to realize “that going in the strength I had” didn’t mean trusting in my own strength to be enough, but actually trusting in God’s strength through my weakness. He reminded me that the little I bring to the table can be much when He is in it.
He reminded me that He is a God who blesses faith when it’s as little as a mustard seed… receives offerings when it’s as small as a couple of coins… topples armies with the toss of a rock… and feeds thousands with a few fish.
The strength I have as a father may not be experience or skill, but God sees the desire of my heart to be a good father and that, I have found, is my strength.
And at the moment… that is all that is needed.
The thought process that you have to be strong before you can start will cripple the future of anyone and any new endeavor, not just that of a new parent.
So, regardless of what you may be starting remember that your strength isn’t in your perfection, but in your potential.